Welp. Here it is October, and I’m only just now managing to put up a blog post.
I would throw myself upon the mercy of the Internet, but the Internet has no mercy, so I guess I’ll throw myself upon the mercy of my threes of fans and hope that y’all forgive me for my silence.
I wish I could tell you all that I have been hiding away with Unquickened, diligently editing and polishing and getting it ready for beta readers, but I can’t. I wish I could. Between a quick trip to Oregon, a full docket of client work, and a nasty head cold, I did not even touch the tome for about three weeks until I peeked inside it briefly this weekend.
I do not know how to get this right. Any of it.
Every week, I wake up with good intentions and high hopes for productivity. I always figure, “okay, I’ll have my quiet time, exercise, do four to six hours of client work and a couple of hours of my own work, make dinner, tidy up, and crochet/knit/read until bedtime.”
It never works out that way.
I’ve tried rearranging things a bit. I’ve attempted to load all my client work onto Monday through Thursday and save Friday for fiction. The client work always bleeds into Friday for a variety of reasons.
I’ve tried working on stuff in the evening when my day gets hijacked by whatever fresh nonsense happens around my house. Problem is that my brain is usually completely done by about 6:30, and I can barely form a coherent sentence in the evenings, much less do any comprehensible writing or editing.
I’ve tried working on fiction first thing in the morning, but that’s intermittent at best since I almost always have meetings in the mornings. I could skip my exercise, but I don’t like myself very much when I don’t exercise. I could get up earlier, but when I do that, I run out of brain around noon. 5:30 a.m. seems to be the earliest I can manage without turning into a pumpkin prematurely every day.
Aside from the schedule woes and challenges, there’s also the general overwhelm of marketing and promotion. I just don’t like it. I don’t want to do it. It’s a chore and drudgery, and I resist it. The only piece of it I really like is blogging, but I struggle to come up with ideas and topics lately, which means I postpone writing, which means weeks slip by…
All of these things are problems. But the big problem–the real issue–is that the effing novel just won’t cooperate.
That’s actual footage of me attempting to get my novel to do what it’s supposed to do.
It’s 140,00+ words of inconsistent, incoherent, random story that barely holds together, if at all. I keep trying to figure out the best way to move all the pieces to where they need to be without sacrificing character development, and I keep running into brick walls. Many chapters just trail off in random dialogue, and others are early drafts that contain things that are impossible for that stage of the story.
So what I’m saying is that it’s just a big, hairy mess. I’m ready to burn it all down and start over.
But of course… I won’t.
It’s just frustrating that once again, I’m back here, looking with dismay at my productivity and time availability and the random nonsense that crops up to distract me. Once again, I’m cursing the crossed wires that made me this way–the stupid effing Muse who decided, “hey, you know who’d be a good writer? That girl. She seems maladjusted. Let’s mess her up even more so she can live a life of self-loathing and soul-crushing doubt.”
So… here we are.
Everything old is new again.
And I have no idea how to manage my time or fix Unquickened, much less move on to other books and projects.
Now that that rant is over…
I have been stubbornly resisting hiding myself away to finish this book, because when I hid myself away in the past, I ended up neglecting my family too much. I swore I would not do that again.
But at this point, I don’t know any other way to get it done. I have too much client work to do much work on it during the week, and trying to do it just a couple of hours (or less) on a daily basis just isn’t working. I’m at a stage where I need to focus on it for hours at a time without breaks, because I need to be able to get into the story so that I can figure out what’s wrong. I can’t really do that just a couple of hours at a time.
And as much as I know I need to do the social media promotion and the blogging and the marketing, it’s such a huge drain on me that it interferes with the actual writing and editing. And let’s be honest–y’all aren’t following me to get semi-witty social media posts. You want me to finish the damn book.
So I guess I need to do some radical things.
- I’m going to stay off social media for a while, at least a few weeks. Blogging… I don’t know. We’ll see. But I don’t know how else I can manage to find the focus and energy to get a new draft done.
- I’m going to finish re-reading Bloodbonded this week (I hope). I’ve been slowly re-reading the story up till now and making continuity (and other) notes. This process has helped me see what’s going on in the story and what needs to happen in Unquickened. (I hate re-reading my work, by the way. It’s worse than seeing myself on video.)
- I’m going to start at the beginning and take it piece by piece, chapter by chapter, every cotton-pickin’ weekend, every time I can get more than a couple of hours in a row, until I get the damn thing rewritten. This means hiding from everyone and everything as much as humanly possible. If I can get client work finished by Fridays, then I’ll do the same on Fridays.
I don’t want to ignore my family, but I honestly don’t know what else to do at this point. I guess I just need to inform them that this is the way things will be until I get a new draft done. But I drafted the first version of Unquickened during NaNoWriMo of 2014. It’s been almost seven years that this book has languished. Granted, there was a lot of work on Bloodbonded in there, too, but this is ridiculous. I’m almost at the point where I can no longer say I’m faster than George R. R. Martin.
So… I will be (mostly) silent for a while. If I don’t post before HalloThanksChristNewYear, I hope you all have a fun/thankful/merry/happy one.
Here’s hoping that 2022 brings a new book from the world of Taura…