To My Favorite T-Shirts

Dear XL adidas Performance Women’s 24 Seven Deep V-neck t-shirts,

How are you? I hope all seven of you are well. I know we’ve been spending a lot less time together lately, but I think of you often… every time I open that one drawer to get out my exercise clothes, in fact…

To be candid, you’re looking a little ragged around the edges. A little thin. The pink one has a tiny hole from a cat claw. One of the black ones has that recently acquired bleach stain from the dishwashing liquid that erupted in a freak accident. And there are mystery stains from cooking and eating, because who am I kidding? I can barely manage a meal from prep to clean-up without spilling or splattering something.

We’ve known each other for a couple of years now, and I think it’s probably time we had a little heart-to-heart talk. I hate to tell you guys this, but I think it’s time we go our separate ways.

It’s not you–it’s me. We just don’t fit each other anymore. I’ve grown–or rather, I’ve shrunk. And the last time I put one of you on, the v-neck was very nearly scandalous. I just can’t go out in public with you anymore.

My friend has seen the truth for some time. She’s been begging me to move on. She knows how much you meant to me at one time, and she understands that we were perfect for each other for a while, but she keeps pointing out that I’m a different person than I was when we met.

See, it’s not just the weight loss. It’s also my mental and emotional health. When you came into my life, I was at an all-time low. I just needed a soft place to land, and you were part of that, along with my stretchy yoga pants and my fuzzy socks. When we met, it was all I could do to put on daytime clothes. You were an easy way to ensure that I didn’t go out of the house in pajamas. I could manage a t-shirt and yoga pants on even the worst days. You were there for me–all seven of you in all your pretty colors–every day of the week.

But these days, I’m managing things a lot better. I have office clothes for work, and they all fit. I have some nice denim and cute tops for every day. I’m wearing make-up again. I can manage to pull on a pair of boots for a day of running errands instead of sloppy old tennis shoes. (Okay, I do sit around in my exercise clothes probably more than I should, but at least I do exercise in them… eventually… And they do fit… mostly…)

It’s not just you. I’m also saying goodbye to those yoga pants. And the too-large casual tops that had been languishing in the closet for a while. And some size 16 dresses that I only wore once or twice. And a pair of size 12 jeans that won’t stay up anymore, and the too-large belt that doesn’t cinch up small enough to hold them. I mean, all things considered, it’s a very full black trash bag that’s waiting to go to Salvation Army.

When I ordered you those many months ago, I told my husband that I was resigned to just living in t-shirts and stretchy pants forever. He was kind enough to not indulge me too much. “It’s just for now,” he said. I didn’t believe him, but he was right. I think he saw my strength when I didn’t. And I think you were part of the incubator that grew that strength.

I hope that you find a second life as something useful–rags or something. If not, know that I appreciate all that you did for me during that season when I needed you most.

Thanks for everything.


A Formerly Fat, Depressed, and Exhausted Mama who Finally Got Her Mojo Back

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